Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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