I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
