i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
