Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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