The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
