His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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