i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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