Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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