You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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