I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need a beard to bite.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
