I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
