i barfeds in our rink
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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