After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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