Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
