I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
