I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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