I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
