i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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