You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
