He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
