I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
