found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
