help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
