i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
