ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
this is an emotional support booty call
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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