Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
