i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
