Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
