I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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