you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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