The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bring me that man meat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
