I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
