I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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