I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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