Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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