one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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