I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
