I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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