Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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