Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
