First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
