And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
