so that wasnt chicken after all
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
