Please, let me fuck your mom
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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