it was like having sex with a tree stump
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
