I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
