Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
