Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
