I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
