i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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